Climb The Ladder for SUCCESS

One day, Harry came upon a big, long ladder that stretched into the clouds. He'd walked this way every day and this ladder was never there before. Curious and brave, he began to climb.

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Eventually, he climbed into the layer of clouds, and saw this rather large, homely woman lying here on a cloud. She spoke, "Take me now or climb the ladder to success!" Harry figured success had to be better than this, so he continued climbing.

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He came upon another level of clouds, and found a thinner, cuter woman than before. She also spoke, "Take me now or climb the ladder to success!" Harry saw that his luck was changing and so continued his climb.

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On another level of clouds, he found a rather attractive woman with not so bad of a figure. She stated, "Take me now or climb the ladder to success!" Harry really liked his advantage now!

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He climbed quickly and deftly, and sure enough, on the next level, he found a gorgeous, lithe, well-endowed woman lying seductively on the cloud. "Take me now or climb the ladder to success," she huskily whispered. Harry couldn't believe his eyes, but his greed got the best of him.

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He climbed to the next level, expecting Aphrodite or similar. Suddenly, the ladder ends, and a latch closes behind him. He looks over to see a 400-pound, 6'8" hairy biker-looking guy with tattoos.

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The biker gets up and walks menacingly toward Harry.

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Apprehensively, Harry whispers, "Who are you?"

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The biker answers, "I'm Cess."

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(Hint:Climb the ladder to SUCk CESS)

You Can't Kill 2 birds with ONESTONE

There once was an Indian whose given name was "Onestone", so named because he had only one testicle.

He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone!

After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said, "If anyone calls me onestone again I will kill them!" The word got around and nobody called him that any more.

Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, "Good morning, Onestone..." He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night. He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.

The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do. Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away for many years.

Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him and said, "Good to see you, Onestone." Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day, made love to her all the next night but, Yellow Bird wouldn't die!

What is the moral of this story?

OH, 'Come on'...take a guess!

Think about it ..

(You're going to love this!)

And the moral is

''...You can't kill two birds with ONE STONE. :-)

Childs name = Ur obsessions

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children...

"You all have obsessions" he observed.

To the first mother, Mary, he said,

"You are obsessed with eating. You've even named yourdaughter Candy."

He turned to the second Mom, Ann:

"Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."

He turns to the third Mom, Joyce:

"Your obsession is alcohol.This too manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy."

At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, gets up, takes her little boy by the hand and whispers.

"Come on, Dick, we're leaving."

Names can Be Confusing At times

Haha…. can u imagine Chinese names can sound very complicating toothers!!

Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan (anyone)?

Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.

Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!

Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this?

Caller: I’m Sam Wan (someone) and I need to talk to Annie Wan! It is urgent.

Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone, but what is this urgent matter about?

Caller: @#$… just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noel Wan (no one ) was involved in an accident. Noel Wan got injured and now Noel Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan (everyone) is on his way to the hospital.

Operator: Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital,then the accident isn’t an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don’t have time for this!

Caller: You are so rude! What is your name?

Operator: I am Saw Lee (sorry)!

Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!!

The Priest And His Cock

The priest in a small Irish village was very fond of the chickens he kept in the
hen house out behind the parish manse.
He had a cock rooster and about ten hens.
One Saturday night the cock rooster went missing,
and because the priest had heard that cock fights occurred in the village,
he decided to question his
parishioners about it at church the next morning.
At Mass, he asked the congregation,
"Has anybody got a cock?"
All the men stood up.
"No, No, " he said,
"That wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?
"All the women stood up.
"No, No", he said,
"That wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock thatdoesn't belong to them?"
Half the women stood up.
"No, No", he said,
"That wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen MY cock?"
All the nuns, and the two priests stood up.

Ah Bengz Job Interview

Ah Beng went for an job interview for a sales job.

When the manager saw Ah Beng's colourful attire, his mind screamed, "Not this man!!"

Nevertheless he still had to entertain Ah Beng.

So he told Ah Beng,

"If you can form a sentence using the words I give you, then I will give you a chance!"

"The words are "Green, Pink, Yellow, Blue, White, Purple, Black".

Ah Beng thought for a while and said

"I heard the phone go green, green, and then I went to pink up the phone and said Yellow. Blue's that? White did you say? Aiyah, wrong number. Don't purplely disturb people and don't call Black, ok?"

Ah Beng got the job.

7 Habits of Highly effective AH BENGS

Dun Care About Other PPlz Ass

The Pastor's Donkey

The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.

The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered in another race and it won again.

The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in any more races.

The next day the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES THE PASTOR'S ASS.

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.The local paper, hearing of the news,

Posted the following headline:NUN HAS THE BEST ASS IN TOWN.

The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farmer for $10.

The next day the headlines read:NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the high plains where it could run free.

The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.

Alas ... The Bishop was buried the next day.

MORAL OF THE STORY???

Being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery and even shorten your life. So, be yourself and enjoy life. Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll live longer.